What’s wrong with me? Why does it work for others but not for us? Am I any less of a woman – or a man – because it isn’t working out? Anyone who longs for a child and is let down month after month knows these quiet, nagging questions in the back of their mind all too well.
Such thoughts are not uncommon when you’re trying for a baby. But it’s important to remember: self-doubt says nothing about who you are. Nor does it define your worth as a person. Rather, it’s an understandable reaction to the pressures that can come with trying to conceive. This makes it all the more important not to let these feelings alone determine your self-image. This isn’t achieved in one big leap, but rather through small, conscious changes in your daily life. In this article, we’d like to share five of them with you.
How to tell when self-doubt is affecting your self-image
Self-doubt doesn’t happen overnight; it creeps into your everyday life almost without you realising it. Perhaps you find yourself comparing yourself to others more often. Perhaps you’re harder on yourself than you really need to be. Perhaps you withdraw because the shame and disappointment become too much for you.
There are certain thoughts that are very typical of self-doubt: ‘I’m not good enough.’ ‘There’s something wrong with me.’ ‘Others can do it, but we can’t.’ If thoughts like these keep cropping up, it may be a sign that your desire to have children is changing the way you see yourself. And that is precisely when it’s time to take conscious steps to counteract this.
5 tips for boosting self-esteem when trying for a baby
1. Put your thoughts down on paper
It can be helpful to write down those recurring, distressing thoughts. When a sentence is there in black and white in front of you, you can often view it differently. Is that really a fact? Or is it a thought born of disappointment or fear? This distinction is important. Because not everything you think automatically reflects reality. The saying ‘Don’t believe everything you think!’ is particularly apt in this context. Remember it the next time your mind starts spinning.
2. Start seeing yourself as more than just someone who wants to have children
During difficult times, our focus often narrows to what isn’t working out at the moment. This makes it all the more important to consciously remind yourself of what else defines you: What are your strengths? What do other people value about you? What are you proud of in your life? Write these things down! A list like this can help you refocus and avoid seeing yourself solely through the ‘lens of wanting a child’.
3. Make self-care a regular part of your daily life
When the desire to have children takes up so much of your time, your own wellbeing is often put on the back burner. Yet that is precisely when it is important to look after yourself. Small routines – exercise, relaxation exercises, a hobby, a walk, a good meal, an evening deliberately set aside for yourself – can help you reconnect with yourself. It’s not at all about feeling you have to constantly do something nice for yourself. Rather, it’s about recognising your own importance once again. Because that is precisely the foundation for a stable sense of self-worth.
4. Make a conscious effort not to compare yourself with others
Comparisons can often be particularly painful when you’re trying for a baby. A friend’s pregnancy, family gatherings full of laughing children, the ‘When are you going to have a baby?’ question from those around you, or social media can quickly fuel self-doubt. That’s why it makes sense to be mindful of your own boundaries at times like these. And yes, you are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to turn down invitations or cut conversations short if you realise you need some space. And, of course, you are allowed to avoid social media if it all becomes too much for you.
5. Seek support
Self-doubt does not have to (and should not) be dealt with in silence. It can be helpful to talk openly about it with someone you trust. And if that isn’t enough, don’t be afraid to seek psychological help. Professional support can be invaluable, particularly when certain thoughts and feelings keep cropping up and are increasingly affecting your self-image.
Support at the Dr Loimer Fertility Clinic
The inability to conceive often raises more than just medical questions. It can also have a significant impact on how you experience life, how you view yourself, and your everyday life as a couple. That is precisely why, at the Dr Loimer Fertility Clinic in Linz, we believe it is important to look not only at medical findings and treatment steps, but also at the personal circumstances behind them.
If you find that disappointment and self-doubt are taking up more and more of your thoughts, please do get in touch with us. We take your concerns seriously, listen to you and support you through this phase with our wealth of experience and empathy.
July 2026