Trying to conceive is one of the most intense experiences a couple can share. It brings a lot of hope, but also a lot of pressure. And the longer the journey to having a child takes, the more it comes to define your life. Eventually, every thought revolves around it, and every decision is made with it in mind. The calendar dictates your daily routine, fertile days structure your week, and even vacation plans or spontaneous outings are influenced by it.
What’s easy to forget in the process: You are more than your desire to have a child. And your relationship is more than just this one shared goal. Realizing this is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your partner during this phase.
When the desire to have children takes over your daily life
At first, the desire to have a child is usually filled with anticipation and optimism. But the longer it takes, the harder it becomes to stay calm and remain patient. Every disappointment leaves its mark. You may also notice that you’re withdrawing more and more. You cancel plans with friends because yet another person is pregnant or because you don’t have the energy to be cheerful. Hobbies that used to bring you joy become less and less important. Your relationship feels different. No longer as loving and lighthearted, but somehow more functional.
All of this is understandable. But it’s also a sign that the desire to have a child is taking up too much space. And that’s exactly when taking a conscious break can help
What taking a break from trying to conceive means
Taking a break from trying to conceive doesn’t mean you’re giving up or that you no longer believe you’ll have a child. A break simply means consciously stepping back. No tests, no apps, no constant worrying. Instead: time for yourself. For your partner. And time for things that do you good.
How long such a break should last is always a personal decision. Some couples decide on a fixed period—a month, three months, six months. Others go with their intuition and see what feels right. The important thing is that both partners are in agreement and view this time as a chance to recharge, not as more waiting.
Breaks like these can help you regain your strength. They give you space to take a deep breath and rediscover your inner balance.
Rediscovering Yourself
When everything revolves around the desire to have a child, it’s easy to lose touch with yourself. What actually brings me joy? What do I need right now? Who am I when the desire to have a child isn’t the center of my world? What defines me?
These questions may sound trivial, but they’re important. Because only those who know themselves and take themselves seriously can cope with this stress in the long run. It’s important to understand: self-care isn’t a side issue. It’s a necessity when you’re struggling with infertility.
And self-care can take many different forms:
- Physical activities such as yoga, walking, or dancing
- Creative activities, such as painting, writing, or crafts
- Spending time with people who energize you rather than drain your energy
- Introducing new routines, such as morning rituals or mindfulness exercises
And most importantly: This isn’t about distracting yourself, forgetting your worries, or downplaying them. Rather, it’s about reconnecting with yourself and realizing that your life is more than just the desire to have a child.
Don't lose sight of the partnership
Trying to conceive can really put a relationship to the test. Here, too, taking a deliberate break can help: spending time together as a couple, leaving the topic of having children aside. Make a conscious effort to spend time together, go away for a weekend, try something new together. And above all: laugh together again. All of this strengthens your relationship and reminds you why the two of you are together. Namely, not just to have a child, but because you love each other.
Incorporate the desire to have children, but don't let it take over
Taking a break doesn’t mean your desire to have children will disappear. It’s still there. But it doesn’t have to dictate every decision you make. It doesn’t have to take over your entire life. It can be a part of your life without pushing everything else aside. Don’t put your own needs on the back burner. Allow yourself to feel joy, even if your dream of having children hasn’t been fulfilled yet. And remember: you are valuable, even without a child. At the Dr. Loimer Fertility Institute in Linz, we know how much energy this phase of life takes. If you feel that your desire to have a child is weighing too heavily on you or you don’t know what to do next, we’d be happy to take the time for a personal consultation.
May 2026