The period of trying for a baby is a time full of hope, questions and uncertainty for couples. It may turn out that the partners do not experience this situation in the same way. While one person wants to talk about it and seeks closeness, the other may tend to withdraw, think quietly or try to remain calm. These differences can be unsettling and raise questions: Why doesn't my loved one feel the same way I do? Why does it seem to weigh less heavily on him or her? Why is everything so much harder for me, even though we are in this situation together?

How someone deals with the desire to have children is entirely individual. People process challenges in their own way. And it is precisely in this diversity that something unifying can be found.
 

A different reaction is not a sign of distance

When couples deal with the issue of having children differently, this is not necessarily a sign of a lack of closeness, but rather an expression of their own strategy for coping with the situation. Women tend to seek dialogue, talk about their concerns earlier and seek information about possible medical support or artificial insemination more quickly.

Men, on the other hand, often appear more reserved or cautious, and thus seem calmer, more patient or less emotionally affected. However, this does not mean that they are indifferent to the issue. They simply deal with the stress differently. Some of them need time to sort out their thoughts. Others try to show strength because they do not want to put additional strain on their partner.

This contrasting dynamic can cause tension in the relationship. It is important to realise that both partners are on the same side. It is not about whose feelings are right or wrong, but about finding out together what feels right for both of them. Learning to deal with the desire to have children also means not automatically making your own expectations the norm.

It is crucial to stay in touch and not to think that silence automatically means indifference. The period of trying for a baby invites couples to find new ways of communicating. This does not require long speeches. Sometimes a loving and honest message is enough to provide support. A sentence like ‘I am here for you, even if we don't have a solution right now’ is worth a thousand words.
 

Diversity is a strength

As stressful as this phase is, it also shows how much couples can complement and strengthen each other. If one person reacts more emotionally and the other remains calmer, this can provide stability. If one side pushes forward while the other tends to slow things down, this creates a valuable balance. Dealing with the desire to have children means finding a common rhythm – even if both partners are not moving at the same pace or are not equally confident. It is important to go through this challenging time together, step by step. Remember: differences do not have to stand between you. They can help you find balance. In the process, you can discover whole new sides to each other and develop a deep understanding of one another.
 

Seeing the desire to have children as a shared journey

Ultimately, it is not about both partners feeling or acting the same way. It is about staying connected, even if the journey is experienced differently. Those who learn not to use their own way of doing things as a benchmark create space for trust and cohesion. And those who allow themselves to feel differently without distancing themselves from each other also strengthen their relationship.

Sometimes, however, it is good not to walk this path alone, but to find a place where both partners feel comfortable with their individual feelings, worries and fears. At the Dr. Loimer Fertility Clinic in Linz, we support couples with our wealth of experience and in an atmosphere that leaves room for everything that this time brings with it.

February 2026