The inability to have children often affects couples with an intensity that surprises even them. It is not just about the absence of pregnancy, but about a desire that is deeply rooted in their lives. Month after month, their confidence grows. At the same time, however, their fear of the next disappointment also increases.
Those affected ask themselves: Why does this weigh so heavily on me? Why can't I just stay calm? Our article aims to help you better understand these feelings and give them a place.
For many couples, children are part of their life plan
The desire to have a child does not usually arise overnight. Often, the idea of having a family of one's own is a natural part of one's life plan. Some couples have long imagined what their life with a baby might be like. Others simply feel that now is the right time. If pregnancy does not occur, it leaves a void inside. Something is missing that had long been an integral part of one's plans for the future.
When the desire to have children remains unfulfilled, hope and pain are closely intertwined. Each new cycle brings a little bit of confidence. Couples cling to this hope because it gives them strength and allows them to look ahead. But it is precisely this hope that also makes them vulnerable: if the hoped-for success does not materialise, the disappointment grows greater each time. These constant ups and downs are exhausting and can be very emotionally stressful.
Feelings associated with the unfulfilled desire to have children
The desire to have a child does not usually arise overnight. Often, the idea of having a family of one's own is a natural part of one's life plan. Some couples have long imagined what their life with a baby might be like. Others simply feel that now is the right time. If pregnancy does not occur, it leaves a void inside. Something is missing that had long been an integral part of one's plans for the future.
When the desire to have children remains unfulfilled, hope and pain are closely intertwined. Each new cycle brings a little bit of confidence. Couples cling to this hope because it gives them strength and allows them to look ahead. But it is precisely this hope that also makes them vulnerable: if the hoped-for success does not materialise, the disappointment grows greater each time. These constant ups and downs are exhausting and can be very emotionally stressful.
And then there is the external pressure
Couples hear phrases like ‘Think positively’ or ‘It'll work out.’ While these are well-intentioned, they can cause additional pain. Because not every day feels hopeful. And not everyone can remain confident in the face of repeated disappointment. In addition, most people naturally assume that couples will have children at some point. Questions such as ‘When will it be your turn?’ can be very hurtful, even if they are not meant maliciously.
It's no wonder that couples withdraw in such situations because they no longer want to talk about it or explain themselves. And that's okay. But there's one thing you shouldn't and mustn't forget: you are not alone. Many couples experience similar situations, and it can help to talk about it in a safe environment. Mutual support without prejudice can be an important step in accepting your own feelings.
Take the next step calmly
Failure to conceive is so deeply affecting because it involves a desire that is one of the most important things in life for many people. When this desire remains unfulfilled, it is completely understandable that strong emotions arise. Grief, anger, envy or self-doubt are normal reactions and not a sign of weakness. They show how important this issue is and how much hope is associated with it. No one has to be strong all the time in this situation or criticise themselves for feeling pain.
Sometimes it helps to be able to better understand your own reactions and allow yourself to give your emotions space. And sometimes it is good not to go down this path alone. At the Kinderwunsch Institut Dr. Loimer in Linz, we support couples not only medically, but also with a great deal of understanding for the emotional strain that an unfulfilled desire to have children brings with it. A conversation can help you plan the next steps calmly and at your own pace. Please feel free to contact us if you would like to find out what options are available in your situation and how we can best support you.
February 2026