‘You just have to be patient!’ A phrase that many couples who want children hear sooner or later. It is certainly well-intentioned and meant to be encouraging, but for many affected couples it is difficult to bear. Because being patient is not so easy when you want nothing more than a child.
Those who have not experienced the situation themselves find it difficult to imagine what it means to be unable to have children. Month after month of hoping, waiting, hoping again. Each cycle begins with renewed confidence and may end in disappointment once more. Those who wait longer for pregnancy eventually realise that patience is anything but a matter of course. It is demanded again and again.
Why trying for a baby is so exhausting
The desire to have children naturally brings with it uncertainty. No one can predict exactly when – or if – it will happen. At the same time, much revolves around cycles, fertile days, expectations and hopes.
Over time, this can lead to a feeling of having little control. Couples gather information, take care of themselves and their bodies, make plans and hope for the best – and yet the outcome remains uncertain. This can be exhausting. Some people react to this difficult situation by withdrawing, while others become more sensitive or impatient. These are all natural behaviours that simply show how important the desire to have a child is.
What can help couples during this phase
Being patient does not mean simply having to endure the time. Rather, it is about treating yourself well and not losing sight of your relationship with your loved one. There are several ways to help reduce the pressure and regain some stability.
Talk openly with each other
Both partners do not always feel the same way about waiting. Perhaps one is more exhausted, while the other still feels hopeful. Perhaps one wants to talk a lot, while the other becomes quieter. The key is to keep talking to each other. Share your worries and fears with each other, but also your hopes. This creates trust and helps to clear up misunderstandings.
Intimacy not just according to plan
When everything revolves around fertile days, intimacy can become functional. Planned sexual intercourse is, of course, justified when it comes to achieving a desired pregnancy, but it should not be the only context for tenderness. Spend time together without any goals or ulterior motives. This can help relieve pressure and strengthen your relationship.
Consciously providing relief
Persistent tension also has physical effects. Taking short breaks, going for a walk in the fresh air, doing sports or relaxation exercises can help to slow down the whirlwind of thoughts. This is by no means about seeing relaxation as another item on your to-do list, but rather about consciously allowing yourself time when your desire to have children is not the centre of attention.
Patience requires understanding
Instead of criticising yourself for your impatience, it can be helpful to treat yourself with more leniency. There will be days when you feel very hopeful and days when everything seems difficult. Both are part of the process. Accepting that the process of trying to conceive is stressful will take some of the burden off your shoulders.
Sometimes it is good to have a place where questions can be asked openly and uncertainties are taken seriously. At the Dr. Loimer Fertility Clinic in Linz, we support you with our extensive experience. With careful fertility diagnostics, we find out why pregnancy is not happening. Based on this, we discuss suitable treatment options together. This allows you to make further decisions in a well-informed and calm manner.
March 2026