‘So, when are you going to have children?’ A question that is often asked at family gatherings, among friends or even at work. Usually with a smile and out of genuine curiosity. Nevertheless, for many couples, this question about wanting children is anything but harmless. It touches on a subject that not everyone wants to talk about.
Those who want a child and have been waiting for a long time experience such moments particularly intensely. The question about wanting children suddenly reminds them how much their life currently revolves around this topic. At the same time, something very personal is being addressed. This can be overwhelming.
Why the question of wanting children hits so hard
Many people ask questions without realising how sensitive this topic is. For outsiders, it is a harmless conversation. For those affected, however, it feels very different.
The desire to have children is associated with hope, expectations and often disappointment, which is not something you want to talk about with everyone. When someone suddenly asks a direct question about it, they naturally expect an answer.
Some couples try to defuse the situation with humour. Others change the subject or give a short, evasive answer. Often, an uncomfortable feeling remains. All these reactions are understandable.
Vulnerability is not hypersensitivity
In retrospect, you may ask yourself: Why did this affect me so much? Was I being overly sensitive? But vulnerability has nothing to do with hypersensitivity. The question of having a child speaks to a longing that is associated with many hopes. That is why such situations can be more emotional than you might have expected.
Admitting this reaction to yourself can be a relief. It shows how important this topic is to you. And: not every question needs to be answered.
Recognise and protect your own boundaries
It is perfectly acceptable to set boundaries, especially when it comes to very personal topics. This can be done in a friendly and respectful manner without damaging your relationship with the other person:
- Respond with a brief answer such as, ‘We'll let you know when there's any news.’
- Respond with a smile and a sentence such as, ‘We'd rather talk about that when the time comes.’
- You can also evade the question with something like: ‘Let's just see what the future brings.’
- Sometimes a clear but polite answer such as: ‘I don't want to talk about that at the moment’ can also help.
Reactions like these help steer the conversation in a direction that feels better for you. At the same time, they signal that you do not want to discuss the topic of having children in any greater depth at the moment.
Finding your own way of dealing with such situations
Dealing with the question of wanting children is something that many couples first have to learn. There is no instruction manual for this. Some react calmly, others need time to find the right words.
It can be helpful to think in advance about what answer feels right for you. This takes the pressure off the situation when the question of having children suddenly comes up again. The examples above are a good starting point.
It is also worth considering the intention behind the question: many people simply want to show interest without realising how sensitive the topic is. This perspective will help you to take such moments a little more calmly.
Having a place where all these topics can be discussed openly gives couples security. At the Dr. Loimer Fertility Clinic in Linz, we support couples with a wealth of experience and understanding of the emotional challenges of this time. If you would like to find out more about your options, we would be happy to take the time for a personal consultation.
March 2026