Anyone who has been waiting a long time for a baby, constantly hoping and worrying, probably knows this feeling: you just want to switch off for a while and not think about your desire to have a child all the time. And yet that one thought is always there. Over time, the desire to have a child can take up so much space that there is hardly any room left for anything else. In this article, we’d like to show you how to recognise when it’s becoming too much, and what small, practical changes can help bring a sense of ease back into your daily life.
The desire to have children: a whirlwind of thoughts in one’s head
Many couples describe it in similar terms: at first, the desire to have a baby is just one topic among many. Over time, however, it becomes the main focus. And at some point, it’s simply always there. This is evident in everyday life: the temperature app is checked several times a day. Cycle calendars structure the week. Every twinge in the lower abdomen is analysed. At the office, thoughts wander. When scrolling through social media, every pregnancy announcement feels like a slap in the face. And in the evenings, the whirlwind of thoughts continues: Have I done something wrong? What if it doesn’t work out again? How much longer can we keep this up?
It takes its toll. And more so than many let on. Problems concentrating, sleep disturbances, irritability, a constant feeling of tension: these are all common side effects when the desire to have a child becomes a constant preoccupation.
How you can tell when it’s becoming too much
At some point, the strain becomes too much to bear. This usually doesn’t happen overnight, but creeps up on you gradually. Here are some signs to look out for:
- Conversations with your partner revolve almost entirely around your desire to have children and the associated appointments and treatments.
- Meetings with friends are cancelled because you lack the energy or because you don’t want to explain how you’re feeling.
- Hobbies and things that used to bring you joy are neglected because they no longer feel important.
- Daily life goes on somehow, but it feels purely functional.
- News of pregnancies among friends and family triggers reactions you haven’t experienced before.
If this sounds familiar: you are not alone. And it is not a sign of weakness if the strain eventually becomes too much. Rather, it is a sign that it is time to make a change.
Important: Don’t let the desire to have children dictate everything
Even if there’s nothing you can do to change the medical process at the moment, there are certainly areas where you can make adjustments:
- Consciously limiting the time spent on the topic of wanting a baby: rather than leaving the subject open 24/7, it can sometimes help to set aside a specific time for it. For example: spend half an hour discussing it in the evening and then deliberately change the subject. Or: save up your questions until your next doctor’s appointment and discuss them there. This way, the desire to have a baby gets its space, but not all your space.
- Information hygiene: Forums, social media and hours of Googling can further fuel the whirlwind of thoughts. It helps to limit yourself to one or two reliable sources and to consume them consciously – and, above all, not in excess.
- Build mini-breaks into your day: Short breaks can help you briefly step away from the ever-present topic: five minutes in the fresh air, yoga, breathing exercises, reading a good book or listening to a song that has nothing to do with the subject. It’s not about taking a long break from the desire to have children, but about small breathing spaces that briefly clear your head.
- Establish small shared rituals as a couple: as well as limiting the topic, it helps to consciously incorporate things into your daily routine that you both enjoy and that have nothing to do with the desire to have children. It doesn’t have to be anything big. An evening walk together, a coffee on the balcony or a film that makes you both laugh heartily – things like that are perfectly sufficient.
When it’s time to seek help
Sometimes, small adjustments are no longer enough. If sleep problems, persistent fatigue, constant irritability or the feeling that you can no longer find joy are having a major impact on your life, it makes sense to seek support. This could be an open conversation with someone you trust, or it could involve professional counselling or psychological support. Both can help you to better sort through your thoughts and feelings and navigate your journey as a couple with greater stability, even during difficult times.
At the Dr Loimer Fertility Clinic in Linz, we see more than just readings, cycles and test results. We see people going through a challenging phase in their lives, and couples walking this path together. That is why we take the time not only to address medical questions, but also to discuss whatever is on your mind right now.
If you feel that the strain is becoming too much, or if you simply want to know what the next sensible steps are: please get in touch with us. We look forward to meeting you.
June 2026